Groups with less power do what they always do the same thing to get more power: They ape the group with the most power--copying the good, the bad, and the ugly for better or worse. And there is always a lot of "worse" being copied when you do this. Yet blacks did it with whites.
And in the early days of feminism, women feminists did it with men. They tried to become equal by becoming the same.
When feminists realized their mistake in trying to become second rate men some tried to hold onto old gender roles at the same time. Let's call this the **I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan** phase of feminism of the 1970s.
That is, 'I'm going to go to work as men have traditionally done but I'm going to hold on to my old gender-roles too. Dear Future Husband, Do NOT be afraid! You can keep the mommy-list you always use when looking for a wife. I'm STILL going to do the traditional woman-stuff WHILE I work full time' which includes:
- 70% of the running behind the children,
- 80% the cleaning,
- and the 90% cooking
- SEE! Aint I a STILL 100% woman!
All women got from that line of thinking was burn-out. And then they tried to blame men for it.
The thing is, ORIGINAL feminist goals had men gaining just as much as women. Original feminist goals imagined men focused on the home more and MUCH happier for it.
Men were supposed to be able to let go of their jobs being their identity. Men weren't supposed to be glad NOT to carry the entire financial burden of the family. Men were supposed to share the financial burdens or maintaining a family and stop dropping dead so much earlier than women.
A man was supposed to be able to marry even if he had no-job (just like women did). A man was supposed to be able to stay married to a woman with a higher-paying job (like Barack did) A man was supposed to let go of being THE main provider and be able to be fine with his woman working while he stayed home for a bit if he:
1) wanted to
2) needed to
3) was inspired to change career direction *(just like Barack did).
Men were supposed to be able to let his wife's career take precedence for periods of time. Men were supposed to be happy to spend more time with their children and work less when his woman was working more. Men were supposed to be able to let go of the idea that my-making-the-money-makes-
And black men were supposed to commit suicide a lot less often
Things are a lot better than they were in the days of Mary Tyler Moore. Women have careers. Black women have careers and not just jobs they do on the side for a little bit when money is tight. There are still significant gaps in pay, especially in high prestige jobs but women are GETTING those high prestige jobs a lot more often than they use to.
And things are STILL a-changing.
A decade or so ago (for federal employees at least?) Bill Clinton changed the rules of who can stay home with the children when they are first born. I've seen husbands and wives take turns taking time off to stay with their babies.
I don't think we've seen all the positive outcomes of that yet. It hasn't been long enough. But it makes me smile. I imagine hearing men-stories like "yeah I liked my father. I admired him. But I didn't really know who he was," a lot less often.
I'm not sure how we get feminism back on track but I know it's going to take men pulling in the same direction to move us there. Find beautiful male feminists as friends, lovers, and husbands....and create a few. Find male feminist friends to help you talk to your sons AND DAUGHTERS if you don't have husband, father, male S/O to talk to your children.
How the next generation of boys and girls turn out can be ours to shape