LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING by A MODEL

TED TALK: Cameron Russell breaks down the images of women. The pictures of her on say,  Monday morning, then another picture of her in a model shot type picture later the same day bring the illusion of what" girls" are "supposed to look like" crashing to the ground. And she touches on a variety of topics important to the socially conscious woman's life.

A PRAGMATIC FAITH IN LOVE

LIVING FOR THE WEEKEND - DADDY AND DAUGHTER

I eavesdrop on a male co-worker. There's no way not to listen, so I listen well when his tone is pleasant.

Sue me.

Nearly every single day, he says to his wife, who I always imagine holding or beaming at their toddler, "Where are you?" or "What are you doing?" And every single day he ends with "You guys have fun."

He is generous and kind. I know this first hand. He trained me. That’s I know he is extremely patient as well. He lives to go home to them at the end of the day and works at the crack of dawn so he can spend time with them while the baby is still awake. I can't imagine a love that sounds like that ending. It seems impossible. When I think of his little starter family, I smile because he seems too mature and balanced to let anything happen to it. Ever.

But then the practical voice cuts in, like a demon on my shoulder. And it says to me:

Can she take care of herself and her child?

Did she get married without getting her degree first?

Did she get herself married then decide to get pregnant before she established herself in a career --in case she needs to go back to it?

Will she ever be at the mercy of some dude who thinks he should have the right to count every nickel she spends on herself because he's paying some paltry sum or a mint in child support once a month that won't cover half of what Junior really needs despite what a court might say?

But my co-worker friend is not "some dude."

He says "What are you guys going to do today" and "Have fun!" almost every day. There's no faking that kind of commitment to another. He works to support his family financially and in every other way.

Other men, literally millions of other men have done this. But what happens to some of these men when they decide they don't love their wife anymore?

What kind of thought process goes on where a man thinks all the money was always his money and that the labor he supplied to the family unit was the only labor that truly counted, a gift that he should be able to take away entirely from his child OR his wife?

What kind of heart process thinks the wife -- that he agreed should be the one to stay home instead of him, the one clearly had the most rewarding job, wasn't doing a job? How does such a heart think that the wife wasn't sacrificing a career and earning potential every single day she was that she was enjoying the day to day, hands on raising of their child?

Can any man turn into the selfish fiend I've described?

I don't believe my co-worker/friend can. I don't believe that particular thing is possible. And, if he eventually calls his wife "a gold-digging harlot" one day, I'll probably believe him because I know him and not her. And because I heard him love her daily as he worked a wage-job so she could have most of the reward of growing their child to adulthood a little bit at a time

But...

Can she take care of herself and her child?

Did she get married without getting her degree first?

Did she get herself married and pregnant before she established herself in a career --in case she needs to go back to it?

Will she be at the mercy of some dude who thinks he should have the right to count every nickel she spends because he's paying some paltry sum or a mint in child support once a month that won't cover half of what Junior REALLY needs despite what a court might say?

How does one raise a child in a world where real love fails and morphs into an unbelievable selfishness half the time?

How is it I still find the love more believable than anything else?

I wonder what he'll say to her tomorrow?

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(For the record, on the rare occasion of bickering, I move away. I'm not that bad...yet?)

TWO FOR TEA and TEA FOR TWO: SEXUAL CONSENT For Dummies

"It seems a lot of people really, REALLY don’t get what ‘consent’  means...This goes for men, women, everyone. Whoever you are initiating sexy-times with, just make sure they are actually genuinely up for it. That’s it. It’s not hard. Really.

If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea."

CLICK HERE - ROCK STAR DINOSAUR PIRATE PRINCESS WILL BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU USING A TEA METAPHOR

No kidding, this is so easy to understand parents should use it to explain consent to their teenagers  After reading this with them, your teens will know:


-what the proper response is to "Yes"


-what the proper response is to "I'm not sure"


-what the proper response is to "No thanks"


-what the proper response is to a person that says yes, but  changes their mind once the tea has been made

-what to do if they ask someone if they want tea and that person  is unconscious


-what to do if the person they are with passes out during tea



"The Accidental Rapist" should be wiped out like small pox once everyone in the world reads this.

Choosing Rape over Race

But as I vomited in the backseat of the taxi that Cosby ushered me into after he assaulted me one night in the late 1980s, that Dr. Huxtable image no longer made sense. I felt both physically violated and emotionally bamboozled.

Still, I didn’t want the image of Dr. Huxtable reduced to that of a criminal. For so many of the African-American men I knew, William H. Cosby, Ed.D. provided a much-needed wholesome image of success, and the character he made famous was their model for self-worth and manhood. I knew that, in my reluctance to add my assault to the allegations facing Cosby, I was allowing race to trump rape...”


As I debated whether to come forward, I struggled with where my allegiances should lie – with the women who were sexually victimized or with black America, which had been systemically victimized. I called several friends for advice. While some encouraged me to speak out, others were cautious – even angry.

One friend, an African American man, insisted I should stay quiet: “You will be eaten alive, and for what? The black community is not going to support you.” It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I think it was his way of protecting me.


When I finally told my story in the New York Daily News in November, it was hard for me to look other African American people in the eye. On some level, I felt that I had betrayed black America. And some of my African American friends seemed too hurt by the damage to Cosby’s image to offer me any support. The friend who had dismissed the stories of Cosby’s white accusers, for instance, didn’t offer me any words of comfort.


READ MORE AT THE WASHINGTON POST http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/03/06/bill-cosby-sexually-assaulted-me-i-didnt-tell-because-i-didnt-want-to-let-black-america-down/

Love Letter To Self - Warsan Shire

“and were you being good to yourself?”

 

LOVE LETTER TO SELF

 

i don’t think so.
 but, i forgive you, girl,
who tallied stretch marks
into reasons why no one should get close.

i forgive you, silly girl, 

sweet breath, decent by default.
i forgive you for being afraid.
did everything betray you?
even the rain you love so much
made rust out of your jewellery?

i forgive you, soft spoken girl
speaking with fake brash voice,
fooling no one.
i see you, tender
even on your hardest days.

i forgive you,
waiting for him to call,

i forgive you, the diets
and the cruel friends.
especially for that one time you said
‘i f*cking give up on love,
it’s not worth it,
i’d rather be alone forever’.
you were just pretending, weren’t you?
i know you didn’t mean that.
your body, your mouth, your heart,
made specifically for loving.
sometimes the things we love,
will kill us,
but weren’t we dying anyway?

i forgive you for being
something that will eventually die.
perishable goods,
fading out slowly,
little human,
i wouldn’t want to be in a world
where you don’t exist.