...So if a woman is already considered "easily confused" just because she's a woman, according to a lot of men and half the women in a patriarchal culture, then adding alcohol to that woman makes her a babbling idiot, yes?
THE IMPLIED MAN-SPLANTIONS OF WHY IT'S THE WOMAN THAT'S MOST CONFUSED ABOUT CONSENT WHEN PARTIES ARE DRUNK
Whether you add a drop of alcohol or a full bottle of alcohol to an "emotional and illogical woman" there's no reason for anybody believe that she knows herself or that she knows whether or not she gave consent. Somehow, court rooms across the country believe the drunk man accused of rape over the drunk woman, the drunk man with a lot more motive for lying becomes more credible OR considered guilty, at worst, of being a cad thereby having gone a little too far into the boys-will-be-boys arena and accidentally done something a little bit illegal
And since a lady wouldn't have gotten drunk and caused this whole rape mess in the first place, it's like the incident shouldn't have happened at all.
when he knows his frat brothers got away with worse,that his sonis likely to be the next onethat is drunk and feeling entitled to sexfrom a woman who is acting like a drunk whorewho has had the audacity to pass out BEFOREhe's gotten the "20 minutes of action" owedafter he's already shelled out moneyfor drinks and possibly even dinner.
I've also been wondering if Nate Parker is one of those guys who treats a woman with dignity until she missteps into the whore zone.
In the 1980s and 1990s, educated college boys absolutely rebelled against the idea that "date rape" was a thing. I kid you not, they would say in public, out loud for all to hear. "If she didn't wasn't attracted to him she wouldn't have gone out with him" as if the existence of her sexual attraction meant rape could not occur. And torn clothes, bruises, and bleeding could all be put down to "rough sex."
A white man, Robert Chambers killed a white woman named Jennifer Levin after he raped her. The newspaper headlines still placed some blame with her for what happened.
(Please note that the public was concerned about this man's future and tried to protect him from the consequences right up until a jury finally put him in jail -- just like so many were concerned about Brock Turner's future Olympic medal and Nate Parker's future Oscar.)
Unlike Chambers, who killed his rape victim and was sentenced to manslaughter instead of murder (as Levin partially brought it on herself) the opportunistic rapist with a reputation to maintain almost has to have some sort of selection system, something they cue in on to make certain women okay to rape, something makes her unworthy of being treated like a fellow human being.
So I wonder if Nate Parker's date was seen as having stepped into the whore zone --the zone where women deserve to be raped-- when she said no to sex but yes to oral sex TOO SOON after he expressed interest in her. (Many men have a timer going on these things.)
Maybe she was seen as having stepped into the deserve to be raped zone when she had the fourth drink when Parker, Celestine, and those who cape for rapists thinks a lady should have three max.
The other thing I wonder about is if his victim felt feminine, delicate, and cherished when he acted like he was worried about her being too drunk to go home. I wonder if he was generous and kind when he told her she could stay and sleep off the alcohol
...all while he was probably thinking her consent going away, her objections being almost gone if only he lets the alcohol settle in a bit longer or maybe gives her just one more drink.
Consent is so murky for a man when he's had a few drinks when he also knows the consequences for rape won't be anywhere near as bad as for drunk driving. If the consequences for drunk driving were as unlikely as they are for rape, drunks would be on your local news every night explaining how they killed a kid in a crosswalk because the alcohol they drank made their choice to drive so "confusing"
If a I was a college aged male predator and knew chances were 8 out 10 that I wouldn't be reported at all and that only a fraction of the 2 arrested for rape would ever see prison time, I'd roll the dice too. Why not just say, "The alcohol confused the woman about her consent and made me unclear about her consent too. It was just a misunderstanding." Recently Brock Turner got 6 months and Austin Wilkerson got no jail time at all for rape. Fifteen plus years back when the gang rape of Parker's date was being orchestrated, men were getting even less time for rape. And I'd bet a year's worth of my lunch money that the thing that chaps Parker's ass the most is knowing that a bunch of his friends got away with worse and never saw the inside of a court room.
The other thing I wonder about is how much the rape victim blamed herself for feeling good about Parker, sexy...right up until he passed her body around while she was unconscious. I wonder if these are the thoughts that she couldn't get over, the reason she killed herself.
Think about the gap between before and after. Think about her giddy anticipation, expectations and good feelings about him before the date, before the rape. Think about her realizing, too late, that she'd mistaken him for a human being instead of an animal in a human-being-suit.
Think about her and other women who feel like they will never, ever trust their own judgment again.
I can see how an overwhelming sense of failure, an inability to stop believing the lie that she brought the gang rape on herself and she can't trust herself might kill a woman, especially when you add
- the betrayal by two to three black men involved in the rape
- the betrayal of a significant part of the black community
- the betrayal of the American Justice System.
I can only hope nobody in her immediately circle, in her family, said what so many have said lately about her rape. "Well, she shouldn't have been drinking anyway." (Only men are entitled to drink too much, have too much fun, and not be violated for it)
LIARS, HATERS, AND DEFENDERS
When I think of what made it okay for Nate Parker and Jean Celestin to live down to the worst of black male stereotypes, I wonder if the victim being black was her only crime.
(She was black right? She was reportedly Haitian. There was a trial. Nate went to trial and didn't get convicted with the flimsiest of excuses and wasn't tried for orchestrating the rape. That means the victim was black, yes? If she wasn't, she had to stepped off into the whore zone in some other way that I haven't read about yet.)
In any case, black men like Bill Cosby have treated white and light-skinned women like wifey material and dark skinned women like hot-fun-in-the-dark material for decades. Black men deciding who to marry is one of the last places where the paper bag test is still used.
In a world where men see their domination as so normal they can't see it or hear it, a.k.a. the obliviousness of "privilege," a lot of men still separate women into those two categories:
- The woman that's just a wet hole to be used. The one he calls "whore" and spits on when that woman leaves him in a room full of his male friends
- The "lady" he marries.
And for the black male, internal racism sufferer that line between whore and madonna often lies between black women and white women -- even if the black woman is light-skinned.
Unfortunately, I've seen this up close.
I have a male cousin that is very pro-black but only when it comes to black men.
He rarely ever had anything nice to say about black women in his youth. As far as I know he hasn't been with anything darker than a pale Puerto Rican -- though he told once told me, out of the blue, "I dated a black woman once"
I'd like to believe he was always incapable of rape no matter how drunk he got in his younger years, but he marked himself a man by the number of women he screwed and screwed over between the ages of 16 and 26.
And recently he's defended retired, football rapists to me.
He said that retired black football players are going to jail for rape after they retired because the poor darlings have been conditioned by so many gold digging ho-s giving it up so constantly during their high profile, high paying careers. He also implied that these footballers (rapists) were frustrated and angry that they could walk into a club and say "sex now" to any woman and have them comply immediately for so long as they were still playing but wound up ignored once they retired (Hurt ego as an excuse for rape?)
According to him these confused-by-consent dudes were also conditioned by coaches who covered up rapes while these players were still hot properties. They were confused because the coach stopped covering up for these poor, black, rich, idiotic retired football rapists once their career is no longer lining a white owner's pocket --then wound up going directly to jail.
Sniff Sniff. He almost had me in tears for those successful, rich, black, male, special snowflake serial rapists who used to be football players.
My very real response: "If all the women the football player was ever around during his entire career were gold digging hoes that gave it up easily, then who is left to rape? If the coaches are covering up rapes then some of the women said, 'no' to the rich football player, yes?"
This conversation left me even more convinced that men are the ones confused and pretending to be confused about consent whether they are tipsy, buzzed, drunk, or stone cold sober. Yes, alcohol can affect women faster. But alcohol leaves men and women, both, with holes in their memory. But the holes in men's memories seem convenient.
My cousin, a black male, is clearly confused about consent and who is at fault for rape even when he hasn't had a drop to drink
In fact, each one of Nate Parker's defenders is confused like a fox as well. And they are confused in the very same way that white racists are when they defend murdering cops of unarmed black people like Aiyanna Stanley Jones, Rekia Boyd, Mike Brown, Eric Garner, Yvette Smith, Freddie Gray, Tamir Rice, and Malissa Williams.
What is worse is that the black people (men and women) defending Parker use the same tactics to defend Parker as white racists use to defend indefensible police officers.
Just like they white privileged, they read headlines, skip reading details, put a sad look on their face when an unavoidable fact slaps them in the face about me-and-mine, then say the victim brought it on themselves with their own behavior.
If somebody pops up with a video tape of Parker on top of his unconscious date, looking over his shoulder, waving his buddies to come in and join him, there will still be was more than a handful of black men and black women who will echo Parker saying,
She put herself in that situation when she had too much to drink
implying that a man has a right to sex
if a woman is attractive and appears too available.
To the rapist-minded, a drunk woman has not rights over her body if she appears available or if he can plausibly claim he got consent two days before.
To the rapist-minded men and women who cape for rapists, a man putting himself inside an unconscious woman is rude and ungentlemanly, something he should apologize for if he's gotten "20 minutes of action" while his judgment was a little off due to alcohol influence.
who made "small mistakes"
combined with the disregard
for the consequences of rape for women
by black and white men (they are together on this)
- is why Brock Turner got 6 months for rape,
- Austin Wilkerson got zero jail time when convicted for rape,
- Celestin got away from his conviction for rape on appeal,
- and Nate Parker escaped justice altogether even though he orchestrated the gang rape for which Celestin was convicted, right?
Again, women don't lie about rape much. And black women have motivation is spades to not report a genuine rape much less lie about a fake rape. But do you know who does lie about rape frequently?
Rapists have lied about how often they've raped quite a bit. When researchers promised rapists in prison no consequences for honest information, on average rapists admitted to raping 7 to 11 women for every rape conviction. This appears to correspond to other research that's more commonly known, that college women do not report being raped up to 80% of the time.
If Celestin is guilty, only having escaped the just-us-men system because his victim was too busy attempting suicide to put him back in prison for a whole year or so when his appeal came up, then Parker should have been convicted as well, yes?
If a man wanted to destroy a woman but leave her physically alive, is there something else worse he could do than to open her door while she was sleeping and tell other men to rape her? Isn't that the level of hate that some men generate in themselves to go to war? Isn't that why rape is so often a part of a man's victory dance after they win a war?
Is there any question in your mind that there's a lot of hate for black women in the black community?
Black people are angrily defending Nate Parker and his future Oscar, not quite as firmly as they defended Bill Cosby but the defense is there.
One of the main reasons the Grim Sleeper killed dozens if not hundreds of black women is because most of these women had been downgraded to drug addicted whore. Forget the inaction of the police, the Grim Sleeper was killing women in a black area the size of a postage stamp on any given map. Except for a handful of black women passing out flyers over 20 years and their mothers, nobody noticed these women were gone and disappearing after having spent time with the killer.
The misogyny, the misgynoir in the black community doesn't rear it's head this high that often. If more black people don't take the time out to notice it, it's going to continue to devour us.
SOLUTION: REACTING APPROPRIATELY TO THE REALITY OF RAPE CULTURE?
If I had a black girl child right now I'd be planning to do two things. I'd try to make sure her physical exercise involved some sort of martial arts -- just for fun. There are things you can do that can disable a man long enough, put a man in enough pain to get run away. And there are other things you can do that can kill an attacker. I think I'd try to keep the martial arts class as "fun" until we needed to have "the other talk"
|Strawman argument-ers try to make out like feminists are saying all men or most men are rapists. |
That's not true. Rape culture is about an attitude of the majority and enabling.
As Irin Carmon wrote in Salon last year, the vast majority of juvenile sexual offenders—from 95 to 97 percent of them—who are caught, punished, and treated will never offend again. (And as Slate reported today, recidivism rates for sex offenders of all ages are actually much "lower than commonly believed.")
Continuing to publicly shame juvenile offenders—for example, through sex offender registries—has “little or no value as community protection," Chaffin told Carmon.* In fact...publicizing a student’s sex offender status “can cause huge problems for keeping young offenders in school. And staying in school is key to rehabilitation.”
Even if this is entirely true, any article about saving a young rapist's future should have 2 paragraphs about how the teenaged rapist/college rapist got to be a sexual predator in the first place and 2 paragraphs about the duration of victim's recovery compared to his jail sentence for every 1 paragraph about a rapist getting his life back. But in rape culture, that's not what happens -- not even in articles in "liberal" online magazines written by women.
|THIS IS RAPE CULTUREThere should be some women in this image too as they are also enablers|
that surround insulate the rapist
The two articles linked above seem very much like those colorblind race theory articles that were in liberal magazines just a few years back, written by black people. I know they had to look high and low to get a black person that would co-sign such drivel. But rape culture's stench is not registered by a huge number of women. It's easy to find a woman that will give lip service to the rape victim and devote paragraphs to the rapist's future -- without any concentration on how a teenage boy learns to be a rapist.
Then, I'd tell her to listen to conversations college boys have when they think nobody else is listening during lunch, between classes, and back at the dorm. If they are showing off and talking about women like dogs, they should be considered animals -- even if 90% of them are just bullsh*ting to impress the others, 10% might be rapists and the other 90% are either rapist enablers or weak-minded or both. I'd make sure my son heard the conversation too
When talking about dating, I'd show her a picture of Nate Parker, let her admire how good looking and upright he seems. Then I'd tell her about what Parker did and how nice he must have seemed -- in class for three or four semesters, but changed once he was out on a date.
I'd tell her it's probably not wise to have more than a glass or two of anything with alcohol in it when dating a new guy for the first month.
I'd tell her that all this is necessary when you live inside rape culture, that maybe it won't be this way one day. I'd tell her the first thing that will put the first wooden stake through rape culture's heart is to have sentencing that is at least double what drunk driving ought to be in 2016, even for college boys.