THAT GIRL by Alysia Harris

We got that
waiting in the clinic silence.
That shhh
don’t tell nobody

what

we

did

silence

and Im so tired of being your hamper that
I’m about to dump out those week old
stained ketchup secrets
and do laundry in that silence

You like
keeping it quiet.

But my vagina is not your walk in closet.
You wanna stuff your unmentionables through me,
wanna place to hang up your insecurities,
want me to keep track of your hand me downs and Prada,
Waiting for every occasion
to put me back
behind closed doors in the darkness.

Nobody knows
you hold my hand

Nobody knows
I call you baby

And nobody knows
you write anonymous poems about me,
the type you can’t post on Facebook.

Because
regardless of what
you may think
I’m worth or what
you may think
I deserve,
I will never be

THAT girl,

The girl
that’s only allowed to make you smile
when she´s making you orgasm,

THAT girl

whose day job i
s daydreaming
waiting for her night job.

THAT girl

who´s so in love
she will turn her body over
for your superficial touch.

You hide me behind lock doors and bed sheets
because if you dare reached out
then everybody would still know
that it was still about me.
living in your heart
and in your mind
you're still wrapped up in me.

My teardrops
you own them,

My hearts strings
you got them
tied around your pencils and fingers.

Yea,
you may say it´s over
And you may never admit
that you love me
But you don’t have to
cause your silence
speaks volumes.

You wanna hold me in your arms
rock me to sleep
then act like you don’t know me.
As if the moments we spent together
are some kind of down payment.
As if my bedroom were layaway
And that’s all you ever do
is layaway
Pull up beside me
but in the morning
pull up the hoodie
and run the other way.
I’m like that bastard child,
the reason Daddy why never stuck around
in the first place

But for me
rejection doesn´t come every other weekend..
It comes when you lower your head
and pass by without speaking

And I remember there was a time
you could barely take your eyes off me.
I just don’t understand
why its not okay for you to love me.
I guess you just want me to be

THAT girl.

The girl everybody wants to sleep with
 but nobody wants to be with.

THAT girl

Only good enough for
finding a suitable replacement.

Not trying to make up for the mistakes
But you try to convince yourself
that she means everything
and you want nothing
to do with me

But come on baby
she looks just like me!

Read the signs
or at least it's not the facial features
Cause I was your first,
your only,
the prototype!
And she´s just a duplicate
And you can never make copies
without first consulting THE BLUEPRINT!

You know what they say
the sequel is never better than the original.
And she tries to write you stories
but you know they’re only half as good,
So half squinting
you only hold her
half as tight as you should.

Cause your other half
is tangled between my bed sheets,

And your other half
is complete within my mind, soul, and body,

And your other half
is french tonguing me Monday through Friday.

I’m not fighting for joint custody.
I’m fighting for RESPECT
Cause I will never be content with being

your back door ho.

your something on the side,

your something to do during those lonely nights,

your closet freak.

You will never reduce me to a skank
and a whore that will love you.
I’d rather spend every night

crying alone on my bedroom floor

than to ever be

THAT Girl!

"That Girl" by Alysia Harris

(You gotta hear this poem to FEEEEEL IT-)