A PRAGMATIC FAITH IN LOVE

LIVING FOR THE WEEKEND - DADDY AND DAUGHTER

I eavesdrop on a male co-worker. There's no way not to listen, so I listen well when his tone is pleasant.

Sue me.

Nearly every single day, he says to his wife, who I always imagine holding or beaming at their toddler, "Where are you?" or "What are you doing?" And every single day he ends with "You guys have fun."

He is generous and kind. I know this first hand. He trained me. That’s I know he is extremely patient as well. He lives to go home to them at the end of the day and works at the crack of dawn so he can spend time with them while the baby is still awake. I can't imagine a love that sounds like that ending. It seems impossible. When I think of his little starter family, I smile because he seems too mature and balanced to let anything happen to it. Ever.

But then the practical voice cuts in, like a demon on my shoulder. And it says to me:

Can she take care of herself and her child?

Did she get married without getting her degree first?

Did she get herself married then decide to get pregnant before she established herself in a career --in case she needs to go back to it?

Will she ever be at the mercy of some dude who thinks he should have the right to count every nickel she spends on herself because he's paying some paltry sum or a mint in child support once a month that won't cover half of what Junior really needs despite what a court might say?

But my co-worker friend is not "some dude."

He says "What are you guys going to do today" and "Have fun!" almost every day. There's no faking that kind of commitment to another. He works to support his family financially and in every other way.

Other men, literally millions of other men have done this. But what happens to some of these men when they decide they don't love their wife anymore?

What kind of thought process goes on where a man thinks all the money was always his money and that the labor he supplied to the family unit was the only labor that truly counted, a gift that he should be able to take away entirely from his child OR his wife?

What kind of heart process thinks the wife -- that he agreed should be the one to stay home instead of him, the one clearly had the most rewarding job, wasn't doing a job? How does such a heart think that the wife wasn't sacrificing a career and earning potential every single day she was that she was enjoying the day to day, hands on raising of their child?

Can any man turn into the selfish fiend I've described?

I don't believe my co-worker/friend can. I don't believe that particular thing is possible. And, if he eventually calls his wife "a gold-digging harlot" one day, I'll probably believe him because I know him and not her. And because I heard him love her daily as he worked a wage-job so she could have most of the reward of growing their child to adulthood a little bit at a time

But...

Can she take care of herself and her child?

Did she get married without getting her degree first?

Did she get herself married and pregnant before she established herself in a career --in case she needs to go back to it?

Will she be at the mercy of some dude who thinks he should have the right to count every nickel she spends because he's paying some paltry sum or a mint in child support once a month that won't cover half of what Junior REALLY needs despite what a court might say?

How does one raise a child in a world where real love fails and morphs into an unbelievable selfishness half the time?

How is it I still find the love more believable than anything else?

I wonder what he'll say to her tomorrow?

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(For the record, on the rare occasion of bickering, I move away. I'm not that bad...yet?)