IN SOLIDARITY WE CANNOT COMPLETELY TRUST
White girls don’t call their men “brothers” and that made their struggle enviably simpler than mine. Racism and the will to survive it creates a sense of intra-racial loyalty that makes it impossible for black women to turn our backs on black men – even in their ugliest and most sexist of moments.
I needed a feminism that would allow us to continue loving ourselves and the brothers who hurt us without letting race loyalty buy us early tombstones. (Examples: Clarence Thomas,Chris Brown, and Bill Cosby Their indignant silences were all chosen over the words of black women. Sides were chosen against black women even over their own damning words and actions)
“Whatcha really wanna know is how I feel about brothas. It’s simple. I love black men like I love no other. And I’m not talking sex or aesthetics, I’m talking about loving y’all enough to be down for the drama —stomping anything that threatens your existence.
Now only a fool loves that hard without asking the same in return.
So yeah, I demand that black men fight sexism with the same passion they battle racism. I want you to annihilate anything that endangers sistas’ welfare —including violence against women —because my survival walks hand in hand with yours. So, my brotha, if loving y’all fiercely and wanting it back makes me a feminist then I’m a feminist. So be it.”
- Joan Morgan, "When The Chickenheads Come Home To Roost"
CONCLUSION: WE HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE SELF BEFORE WE CAN BE JOINED TO ANOTHER.
Every adult woman should know this.
A knowing of self, reducing self-abnegation to comparable levels with your partner, and wholeness are ultra important when a woman decides to join with another person, a man, in marriage. And all of these things are equally important when a black feminist decides to join forces with black men in opposing a similar (but not the same) oppressions.