"...Daddy taught me everything. He had a work ethic like no other. He taught me about politics. He tutored me in math. He taught me how to build, paint, & use logic. He taught me the ways of the world. He taught me how to fix stuff; how to use a hammer and the difference between a Phillips and a Flathead screw driver.
He bought us anything we wanted; far more than we needed. He made sure we had it all. As stoic as he could be from time to time, I knew he loved us. I loved him and respected him. He was my daddy.
And then, I answered the phone.
I was in high school. Early one afternoon, as I was doing homework in my daddy’s home office, his phone rang. I answered it. She hung up on me. The phone rang again and it was her. She did not say much, but I gathered quickly who she was. This time, I gave the phone to my mother.
Everything fell apart."
Read More:
"DADDY'S GIRLS: HOW INFIDELITY AFFECTS DAUGHTERS"
is the actual, original title of the article quoted above.
I replaced the word "infidelity"
with "betrayal"
because like the word "cheating"
it has come to mean "small mistake"
inside the patriarchal constructed reality of
"boys will be boys,"
as something worthy of insta-forgiveness,
a cheap forgiveness
not worthy of being identified as
"forgiveness" at all.
When you forgive somebody you forgive the whole ugly thing after you've looked at it in detail. And you give it the horrible names it deserves, one of which is "betrayal" when someone cheats on you.
This article on how a father's infidelity affects daughters
was inspired by Beyonce's "Lemonade" and probably the fact
that the host blogger is getting married soon.
A different verse of "Lemonade" stuck out for her (See the link). But this is the "Lemonade" verse that stuck out for me
In the tradition of men
in my blood
you come home at 3 am
and lie to me
These lines alone made me wonder if Beyonce' has both everything and nothing at all.
I thought about all the different debates about whether "Lemonade" is autobiographical or not. Then I decided it didn't matter. Whether "Lemonade" reflects Beyonce's real life or just her real art, she thinks love is supposed to hurt, right?
Beyhivers and The Beyhive Adjacent tell me, in so many words, that she was taught that love is the pain of betrayal and agony by her mother, just as "Lemonade" suggests -- love is not simply hard work, imperfect, and sometimes painful as you learn to negotiate and compromise with one another but agonizing.
She's rich. She's successful. She has power. I wonder if she thinks, like so many other black women before her, that watching her husband betray her will not damage her daughter the way she's been damaged.
And Beyonce is damaged right?
Whether "Lemonade" is real or art,
the author is saying that
she has,
or that women have,
or women that often do,
or women that should expect,
to live in an environment where partners
cannot, should not, trust one another
That's damage reflected right?
I'm pretty sure that is not widely believed by black women in the black community. They do not believe this belief reflects damage, it only reflects "normal life" -- because black women singers keep echoing this male endorsed b.s. over and over and over again for decades now.
We beg for fidelity. And hope we get it.
Apparently, unlike the writer of the captioned piece, most women think their mother did fine by them by staying with a betrayer -- so long as she left eventually. And Beyonce is not seen as damaged by her mother's taking a long, long time to finally leave her OWN betrayer while in her daughter's eyesight.
Beyonce' can't be damaged because she's rich. I don't believe this. But many do.
In the U.S. "she's rich" means she's entirely successful or successful enough. The fact that she cannot trust the man she's bound to means nothing because...I don't know....because she can replace him?
But will she have PTSD, will her daughter have PTSD before she does replace the betrayer?
And if "Lemonade" is not real, if this is only "entertainment," only her art, will her art communicate the way art is supposed to?
Will her teenage girl followers hear the message in her art and have experience symptoms of PTSD before they replace their betrayers in an attempt to follow her life, or follow her art, or just follow society's telling us all that "boys will be boys" so you have to forgive their repeated betrayals?
How is it so many of us do not understand that the reason that all the Beyonces and black women that came Beyonce cannot trust the next man is because Daddy, the first husband, and the mother have all taught black women that men cheat and that cheating is not a thing as big as "betrayal"
She (Beyonce, daughter, or her teenage female follower)
will not be able to trust the next man,
even if he's worth his weight in gold,
because she's been taught that
men ARE natural betrayers,
yet still "good people"
even when they have no intention of
stopping their pattern
of screwing anything that catches their attention
after swearing fidelity inside or outside
of a marriage ceremony.
But this is a lie.
Cheating is betrayal.
And accepting betrayal from someone else is a betrayal of the self. Accepting betrayal in front of your daughter, like it's so much nothing, is setting up all the black girls, that listen with their hearts and believe, for failure.
When I was young I thought it was ridiculous to make a star responsible for what teenage girls and boys believe. I thought it was ridiculous to worship a star. But now I've seen nasty, enduring arguments over what Beyonce does and doesn't do. I've seen heartfelt defense of her positive actions and her dismal failures.
So now I know, stars and their influence is important. Beyonce ought to know this too. She's sitting on top of the mountain with the best view.
Read More Here:
http://thankherforsurviving.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-ripple-effect-of-infidelity-on-girl.html
(updated: 8 2 16)
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