I've been writing about "Lemonade" and "forgiveness" not worthy of the name "forgiveness" because all week because I've seen other bloggers, other black women riffing on forgiveness...AGAIN
And while I'm not anti-forgiveness like some --I'm actually all for the real thing-- I'm tired of women, especially black women, talking about forgiveness.
I thought I was just tired of the pseudo-insta-forgiveness. But I realize that I'm tired of hearing about real forgiveness too --from black women.
I'm on a black-woman-forgiveness strike that might last the rest of my life because I'm not going to be listening or reading black female somebody's lectures on forgiveness unless I read something twice as long from a black male lecturer on what you lose when you betray another person and what it takes to earn another's attempt at forgiveness.
I say "earn another's attempt at forgiveness" because you cannot "earn forgiveness" Forgiveness is a gift. But true forgiveness is not something that's given lightly because it's at a cost to the forgiver -- and that cost, in the case of betrayal-- is long lasting damage because forgiving and forgetting are not linked.
I've been focusing on "Lemonade" which has kept the conversation centered on men betraying women. But now we can dive into how very, very different it is when a woman betrays a man by telling you about an old book and a play I saw in New York recently.
Do you know what these two stories, told more than 100 years apart, have in common? In both stories when a woman cheats, she is shown as becoming a whore. That's how other characters treat her. And when she becomes a whore, she is no longer worthy of being around her children. Whores don't get insta-forgiveness. Men don't get hours and hours long lectures on forgiveness at church, on the street, on the internet when the woman cheats in fiction or in real life.
When people see the "Curious Incident..." play in 2016 they will not confused about why the woman is away from her child. She's a whore. The reason she's been removed is automatically understood. When people first read the book Anna Karenina, about why she is kept away from her child, the audience is not confused about why she's gone either; she's a whore.
The father killing the dog in the play? That's understandable because betrayal makes people crazy-- IF the person doing the betraying is a woman and the one betrayed is a man, then rage is understandable and "pseudo-insta-forgiveness" is not a subject that comes up.
For men, when they are betrayed, real forgiveness is the subject.
Do you see how that works? When women cheat they are whores that must leave and not infect their children with their heinous character. When men cheat he's "human" and worthy of insta-pseudo forgiveness -- but somehow we are not seeing that pretending betrayal hurts children when men are given a pass.
Tomorrow: WOMEN CHEATERS, REAL FORGIVENESS, AND RESTORATION
And while I'm not anti-forgiveness like some --I'm actually all for the real thing-- I'm tired of women, especially black women, talking about forgiveness.
I thought I was just tired of the pseudo-insta-forgiveness. But I realize that I'm tired of hearing about real forgiveness too --from black women.
I'm on a black-woman-forgiveness strike that might last the rest of my life because I'm not going to be listening or reading black female somebody's lectures on forgiveness unless I read something twice as long from a black male lecturer on what you lose when you betray another person and what it takes to earn another's attempt at forgiveness.
I say "earn another's attempt at forgiveness" because you cannot "earn forgiveness" Forgiveness is a gift. But true forgiveness is not something that's given lightly because it's at a cost to the forgiver -- and that cost, in the case of betrayal-- is long lasting damage because forgiving and forgetting are not linked.
I've been focusing on "Lemonade" which has kept the conversation centered on men betraying women. But now we can dive into how very, very different it is when a woman betrays a man by telling you about an old book and a play I saw in New York recently.
"The Curious Incident Of The Dog In Nighttime," is a story about a boy, his father, and how the neighbor's dog died. (If your going to see it ever, stop reading. This is your last spoiler alert) We are told early on the mother is dead. Come to find out the mother is not dead. The mother went off with the female neighbor's husband. The father, at some point, killed the dog in a fit of misdirected rage at the wife that ran off.
In the classic book, Anna Karenina goes to be with her lover and is not allowed to see or be with her children.
Do you know what these two stories, told more than 100 years apart, have in common? In both stories when a woman cheats, she is shown as becoming a whore. That's how other characters treat her. And when she becomes a whore, she is no longer worthy of being around her children. Whores don't get insta-forgiveness. Men don't get hours and hours long lectures on forgiveness at church, on the street, on the internet when the woman cheats in fiction or in real life.
When people see the "Curious Incident..." play in 2016 they will not confused about why the woman is away from her child. She's a whore. The reason she's been removed is automatically understood. When people first read the book Anna Karenina, about why she is kept away from her child, the audience is not confused about why she's gone either; she's a whore.
For men, when they are betrayed, real forgiveness is the subject.
Do you see how that works? When women cheat they are whores that must leave and not infect their children with their heinous character. When men cheat he's "human" and worthy of insta-pseudo forgiveness -- but somehow we are not seeing that pretending betrayal hurts children when men are given a pass.
Tomorrow: WOMEN CHEATERS, REAL FORGIVENESS, AND RESTORATION
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