Hypothetically speaking, I do care that men in India seem to beating their wives to death almost daily. But I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I care more that my next door neighbor is beating his wife within inch of her life twice a month.
Proximity counts. Depth of Relationships count too.
Hypothetically speaking, if my Daddy was beating my Momma so she had black eyes 3x a year, I'd care more about that than the dead wives in India and the next door neighbor too.
You'd probably feel the same way if you were in my hypothetical shoes.
Therefore dearest black folk,
Please stop telling me what white women are not-doing over there when we're talking about what black men are or are not doing to black women over here. I care quite a bit less about what the white women over there are saying.
Stop telling me what white men are not-doing over there when we're talking about what black men are not-doing and doing to black women over here. I care quite a bit less about what the white men over there are saying.
Stop telling me about who Stephen Collins is allegedly raping when we're talking about who Bill Cosby is allegedly raping. I don't even know what freaking series Stephen Collins was in as a TV Dad. And you probably don't either. And if you do, you probably didn't watch it very often.
However,
I do care that there's a group of women in India who seem to have the right attitude toward men who beat women. And I also care about the reasons white women and black men are so similar in their ability to ignore black women's issues.
And while I sorta care about the destruction of the Cosby show's legacy, I do not care about it enough to protect the actor that plays Cliff Huxtable who is very, very likely a serial rapist, a man's whose tastes haven't deviated that far from his almost white wife or the white women he went to see at Hef's place regularly for decades.
What I am actually trying to figure out about the Cosby conversation is how it turned into a conversation about black women's loyalty INSTEAD OF a conversation about black male loyalty.
To be specific, the colorism aspect of the Cosby rape allegations alone should have turned into a conversation about how certain black men develop a penchant for light and white women once they get a little money or a lot of money ala Cosby, Kobe, and Kanye?
How is it that this conversation on
black disloyalty is not centered on
being disloyal enough to throw
all women, including black women, under the bus
so as to align oneself behind Cosby?
Black people, men and women, ignore the Beverly Johnsons and Anita Hills on the regular but NOT standing behind Bill Cosby is disloyal? Really?
Guess what? Oppressed or not, black men are raised bathing in the same patriarchy as white men and they are just assured of their primary importance in the world as compared to women. In fact, black men can worry so much about proving their manhood (sans the money that white men use to prove their manhood) that they can use non-monetary methods to dominate women. It is not a mystery as to why black women die at the hands of domestic abusers as so high a rate. Where the stress of poverty is higher, death by domestic abuse is higher, regardless of race.
Even worse? Black women are bathing in the same dirty bathwater as men and also white, latina, and Asian women. So we as women reproduce patriarchy and misogyny too - which partially explains black female defense of the indefensible (Ray Rice, Chris Brown, Bill Cosby)
Black people need to learn black women's history. Black women especially need to learn black women's history. When you know your history, you know your worth,
When you know your worth, you don't have to close your eyes and pretend people close to you aren't the ones hurting you most.
When you know your worth, you become completely unwilling to let anybody tell you that you are less important than they are.
When you know your worth, you know what a real ally looks like. When you know your worth, you know how brave and rare a real ally really is.
When you know your worth, you can get closer to knowing the worth of your brothers and sisters. When you know your own worth and the worth of your brothers and sisters, you become willing to demand that they behave accordingly. And this is the moment at which we will all rise together, and not a moment before.
* * * * *
Black Women History Books
http://www.heforshe.org/
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