SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER IF YOU CAN SEE UNCLE RUCKUS COMING

Before I lay out my argument on how it's better when you can see the Uncle Ruckus-es of this world coming from a mile off, first a confession: 


I ain't Miss Racial Uplift 24/7
My feminism flounders.
I have very minor flaws and  faults in other areas too

In other words, I am human.  I have acquired addictions. And I'm not proud of my latest one. But I  couldn't help myself.

The moment I found out
there was going to be
a black female
as the lead character
on a new T. V. show,
on a major network

the first one since Diahann Carroll
played a nurse named "Julia" in the 1960s,

I was so happy
I started dancing
like Michael Jackson in "The Wiz."
I was "easing on down the road" in my living room. 

Tears of joy came to my eyes
when I found out that Shonda Rhimes,
the woman who created "Grey's Anatomy," 
was behind it 
and that Kerry Washington was gonna star in it. 

But soon my world would come crashing down.

Fifteen minutes into the first episode, I'm sitting there with my popcorn and my wine, and I find out that Kerry Washington's character, Olivia Pope, is sleeping with another woman's husband.

The tears that came to my eyes then? They were not from joy.

The first, black, female lead character on a major television network in 40 years, and Kerry is not playing an updated, single Claire Huxtable with a power player job and slew of black men to pick from.  No, Kerry is playing one of the four deadly stereotypes instead. She's not playing Matriarch, Mammy, or Sapphire but Jezebel. And she's playing Jezebel to a white man, at that!

I'm surprised the night "Scandal" premiered isn't remembered as the night of the black female screech heard round the world. I know I wasn't the only one on my knees, pulling my hair out in chunks, yelling, "Nooooo" at the television screen. I know I wasn't.

I felt a little piece of my heart shrivel up and die. (Shonda how could you?) I had my finger over the "off" button --I swear, I did.
But then I found out the white married man was the president.

It wasn't the gold digger in me. It wasn't. I mean, I'm just saying....AT LEAST the affair is with "the leader of the free world."  I don't have anything against interracial relationships. I grew up on a military base. I'm used to mixture of people everywhere.Therefore, been there and done that. But the first black female on T.V. in 40 years? I was looking for an updated, no kids, single, slew of black men to choose from, take no prisoners Claire.

I let another 15 minutes pass in stunned silence with the television still playing.  By then I'd heard the "Gladiator In A Suit* speech. I have to admit it. I felt a bit of a rush the black man's machine gun paced dialogue aimed at a wimpy looking white girl.  Then I started thinking (okay...I started justifying). I came to realize that Olivia Pope, our new flawed female heroine is of the 21st century, and she is not with a white character just because he IS white--- unlike the joke of the black neighborhood.

You know who I mean, right?

The joke black guy who's drools over the white woman with one tooth, bald headed, ugly as homemade sin that only a mother bulldog could love just because her skin is white (Bernie Mac and Samuel L Jackson did a huge scene depicting this kind of guy in a really bad movie x years ago. ) And if it weren't for Bush Jr., most of us would have to believe that a white man that is president has to have at least a little something going on for himself other than whiteness.

But then I found out that Scandal's white president was a republican too?

I was like: "I'm outta here."

Then all of a sudden, there was this murder mystery. And I was like um...uh....wait. Who did it?  I decided I'd just hang around for a few episodes to see Olivia comes to her senses, drops the married guy, and find out who-dun-did-it.  

Yeah, you guessed it.  I got hooked.

I am not proud of this. Shonda kept hope alive  making us believe that love  would win, the President would divorce, and make Olivia Pope an semi-honest woman. My patriarchy soaked attitudes leaking out all over the damn place.  And now that the president has left his wife as of last week? Something still ain't right. And I'm a little bored too.

But bored or not.  Here I still sit, still ashamed of my "Scandal" addiction.

However,  Shondaland birthed "How To Get Away With Murder" And that show is awesome. Every last one of those mo-fo-s is capable of killing the other if emotional stakes are high enough. And the lead character is a played by a black woman so black, Viola Davis, that you couldn't mistake for anything but a black woman even if you're Stevie Wonder.

 Hallelujah!

Despite my shameful addictions I'm still gonna talk trash about "Empire" and Uncle Lee Daniels.


Hell, I'd watch "Once Upon A Time" before I'd watch "Empire." And that's saying something because I can't stand  "Once Upon A Time When All The World Was White."

Meanwhile
Just outside of the arbitrary lines
drawn to carve out Africa

"Once Upon A Time" has an ensemble cast the size of a football team but, unlike a football team, it's whiter than the 2015 Oscars.  Somehow the producers at OUAT don't think fictional fairy tale characters can be black without ruining the story.  (How many bible story people including Egyptian Kings have been white in Hollywood again?)







The first few episodes of "Once Upon A Time When All Was White With The World" started out with one black person, as a bad guy, that showed up for 2 minutes each episode. I wasn't even sure that the darkish-skinned actor considers himself a "Black American"  But the thing that really offended me is what happened to the show's first black female character

Presenting Cinderella's Black Fairy Godmother. (Get out your stopwatch)

Black Fairy God Mama died in less than a minute, way less.  And I'm not sure you could tell she was black  the entire time she was on screen. (I was steaming mad for another 3 episodes before I realized she really wasn't coming back.)

Fairy Godmother
In case you blinked

Rumor has it other black characters came and went quickly on "Once Upon A Time"---including Rapunzel with a really long weave (I'm not even kidding). Despite all this,  I recently found myself watching a few minutes, on a lark, after a 4 year boycott.  The first thing I see is "Mulan," Disney's Asian female warrior character. 

'So far so good,' I thought to myself, 'This episiode isn't yet another snow white episode.'

I never saw "Mulan"  but I saw the previews.  I know Disney's Mulan was a good Asian girl that triumphs over adversity because of her pure heart by the end of the movie because...ya know...it's Disney. That's the formula. Yet 20 minutes into "Once Upon A Time" and it's clear Mulan has lost her way, has become a cynical thief in need of a redheaded white chick for a savior.

By the time 22 minutes had passed the television was off.   However,  I'd watch the mess that is "Once Upon A Time" before I'll watch freaking "Empire" Hell, I'll send money to get the "Once Upon A Time" DVD before I'll watch freaking "Empire."

I won't watch "Empire" because I don't want him putting and subtle anti-black ideas in my head. And I'm going to be careful around anything Daniels produced, created, or directed because I'm pretty sure Lee Daniels doesn't like black people too much. And I'm a little more sure he despises black women (in more ways than one). He might have a mixed-race-people fetish too.

And I promise you the feeling is mutual from here if he doesn't like black folk. Because I can't stand him either.



Part of me almost wishes Uncle Lee Daniels-es of this world were more like Uncle Ruckus. You can see Uncle Ruckus a mile off and you know not to listen to what he's spouting.

So let me count the anti-black ways of Lee Daniels

"PRECIOUS"

I think I hated "Precious," the movie when first saw it. And that's when I thought it was a FUBU movie. I hadn't quite made up my mind if I hated it or not when I found out the white folks loved it.


So I watched sections of it again and thought maybe I was having an respectability-politics-allergic reaction. Then I somebody gave me the book, "Push," which is the basis for the movie.  And I found that I loved Precious when she was in the book "Push" while I wanted to slap her half the time during the movie.


It didn't take much to figure out what Daniels had done to give "Precious" white appeal.

PRECIOUS CAST

To be continued in
UNCLE LEE DANIELS AIN'T UNCLE RUCKUS BUT...

On Creating white appeal in "Precious," "The Butler," and "Empire."