THE LIE: GIRLS MATURE FASTER THAN BOYS

Feeling Uber-Rebloggy 

THE TRUTH:

"When we raise girls with higher standards than boys, we cripple boys to remain in an immature state as they become men."

[In a video from TR] she stated something like, "men don't mature as fast as women", as a way to justify coddling her husband and "building him up" as he goes through his never ending stage of immaturity.

Many times the parents raise their sons to buy into this idea that during his early years of adulthood, he has permission to be immature, which in turns cause them to have dysfunctional relationships. We wonder why so many 30-40 year old men are still f*ck boys.

I remember watching Ray J on the many shows over the years and his interactions with women. He is severely coddled by his sister and mother. I sometimes wonder why haven't they straight up told him, "You are a f*ck boy. Get yourself together!". Instead I have seen them sit the girls whom life he was ruining down and try to convince them to tolerate his f*ckery a little while longer.

We constantly fail men (of course speaking directly to those who have direct influence on them since childhood) to buy into the toxic views of masculinity. 

• "All men cheat". 

• "Let a dog roam and he'll find his way back home". 

• "As long as he puts you first, those other women don't matter". 

• "You have to bring that imaginary 'king' out of him". 

One side we preach immaturity into boys/men and on the other side preach to girls/women it's okay for them to be naive. 

• "Sometimes you have to go through the bad ones, before you find a good one"

• "Be the apple 'at the top of the tree" 

[Meanwhile we as black women] pick apples (men) from the bottom [of the tree] 

• "If you hold him down a little while longer, eventually he will change". 

• "Although he treats you like shit, at least you have someone to keep your bed warm at night". 

The mess.... Over it.

~ by T. Coleman

File this under black female patriarchy. We're teaching little black girls to grow and shoot themselves, not in the foot but in the face.

SPELMAN FAILS AT SERVING ITS OWN

THE MOVING PIECES IN THIS STORY

SPELMAN COLLEGE - A historically Black College For Black Women

MOREHOUSE COLLEGE - A historically Black College For Black Men
RAPED@SPELMAN -  Keep Reading

In may, you remember now a woman behind the Twitter account @RapedAtSpelman began tweeting about how she was raped by four Morehouse students.

This woman did come out of hiding. Then Spelman apparently took a month to contact her about her case.
When Spelman did contact her, "a dean and a public safety officer asked her

1) what she was wearing

2) why she was drinking under age

3) why she separated from her group"

In other words, 

"Why were you out being a drunk whore instead of in your dorm room before it gets dark, drinking milk while wearing a dress American Gothic Woman would be proud of?"

"AMERICAN GOTHIC"

 As I understand it, in some states, police and prosecutors are formally or informally not allowed to blame a woman who comes forward as a rape victim for wearing clothing so provocative that it turns men into animals unable to control their hard ons or ask for consent before they stick their penises into people they can physically overpower.
This theory of unavoidable-accidental-rape due what a woman is wearing brings me to my big question of the week: 

If alcohol is to blame for men failing to ask for consent, getting confused, and dragging an unconscious woman behind a dumpster to rape her, then why don't reasonably nice men bash one another's skulls in more often?

If alcohol is to blame for rape-as-misunderstandings  --despite stats that say women are telling the truth about rape 96 to 98% of the time-- then why don't good, nice, men kill other good nice men when they become jealous of the other man's bigger, better car? Why don't they completely lose control in other ways and commit murder on three damn beers?

Could it be men don't bash other men's skulls in when they'd like to, uninhibited by three whole beers, because even when dead drunk on a bottle or two of vodka they know they'll go to jail for murder?

Could that be it?

Could it be that men know, even on three whole beers, that they can rape women and get away with it...like 97% of the time?

Could it be that men know, even while drunk on three whole beers, that they have so much power in this society that women the woman the might rape will probably be too afraid to even report it for fear of being called a whore and in the case of black women, for fear of being called a race traitor because...

  

Black men are the only black people that count

• for a lot of black men
• for a lot of non-feminist black women 

Rant Complete For Now

 Again, "a dean and a public safety officer asked" @RapedAtSpelman

• 1) what she was wearin
• 2) why she was drinking under ag
• 3) why she separated from her group"

Sooo...

Is this a case of black women(?) officials at Spelman not having moved into the 21st century or a case black females executing misogyny AGAIN on behalf of black men?

Does anybody think that the four alleged rapists from Morehouse that will be seriously investigated in this life time? 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/spelman-president-campus-rape_us_57996063e4b02d5d5ed453f0?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000047


Show this Huff Post article to people who still halfway believe Bill Cosby. Show this to them every time they ask why the woman X didn't tell anybody she was raped. Show them a link to Brock Turner's case too so they can see just how a woman is subjected to humiliation again in court... in order to get a justice that is hair's breadth from nothing. 

For those of us that already KNOW or can imagine why we don't always tell,  see the link below from Everyday Feminism

"Should I Report My Rape?’ 5 Questions to Help You Decide"

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/should-i-report-my-rape/

NBCBLK SWERVES INTO THE HOTEP LANE, A BLACK WOMAN AT THE WHEEL

Apparently a woman named Yolanda Young at NBC Black (NBCBlk) wrote an open letter to Ciara, chastising her for putting down her child's father, Future VIA ...flinching when Future's name was mentioned while on camera at an awards sow.Yolanda Young apparently felt compelled to write an open letter, on NBCBlk because Ciara made non-complementary body movements in response to a man who's been hounding her in the press.

Future would be the same man that Yolanda did not chastise in an open letter to - despite all Future's reported nasty name calling, openly trying to control Ciara, and actually threatening Ciara's fiance.

"....Young admits she doesn’t have children, she says her stance on co-parenting is based on her own parents. Her father, who was abusive and tried to kill her mother, wasn’t a constant presence in her life. Still, while he inflicted pain on her mother, Young says her mother never badmouthed her dad."

https://www.clutchmagonline.com/2016/04/nbcblk-publishes-open-letter-ciara-women-holding-grudges-futures/

She endured years of abuse, verbal assaults but also the occasional slap, choke, and blackeye. She finally divorced him after his bullets came within centimeters of ending her life. At my dad’s trial, she asked the judge not to sentence him to jail. This would be the first of many decisions she’d make thinking more of me than of herself.

Excuse me? How does keeping a man who shot at your head out on the street protect you or your child? 

Her mother kept that man out of jail because she "loved him" (a.k.a. was addicted to him) Putting his behind in jail despite her feelings would have been protecting Young when she was a child.

By the way, Young's use of the word "occasional?"  That's an attempt to minimize the abuse.  And I'd bet a lot of money she's quoting her mother.

"Another one was to shield me from any resentment she harbored towards my father. Knowing that I was safe with my dad — he never raised his voice to me, let alone his hand — she not only insisted I have a relationship with him, she made it a point of being kind and gracious towards him."

If a psychologist had 20 degrees on her walls from the most prestigious schools on the planet and then she decided to turn her child over to a man who tried to murder her by shooting her in the head, it would STILL be true that this woman was simply rolling the dice that her ex-husband/ex-boyfriend wouldn't hurt or kill her daughter too.

Abuse-minded women who need therapy do sh** like this all the time. They just aren't this lucky half the time.

Yolanda Young and her mother need therapy and they need it now.

Even though his calls were sporadic, his visits rare, and his child support payments nonexistent, she didn’t disparage him. Occasionally he’d show up in a fancy car and fur coat (undoubtedly the spoils of a particularly good run at the casino or racetrack) lavishing me with impractical gifts and taking mom and me to dinner

The only time she ever showed the slightest irritation was when for my high school graduation he bought me two pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage from San Francisco’s I-Magnin at a price that would have covered my first semester’s college tuition. Even then, rather than hold him to her fiscal prudence, she accepted his gesture as a show of love.

If her mother didn't show the slightest irritation when that man was skipping his child support payments then her mother was the one that taught Yolanda Young that anything a man does is okay. Yolanda's mother has helped Yolanda misidentify unloving, selfish behavior as loving.

And if her mother told her to accept expensive Louis Vuitton Luggage as a show of love instead of as a way compensating for his own short comings as an absentee father combined with one giant display of "See What A Big Man I Am," then her mother failed her yet again. Even if her mother was doing her best in the moment --sounds like years after the gun shot-- her mother's best sucked, and if her mother didn't make a supreme effort to get free psychological help, some kind of way, for her and her daughter through a counselor, books, or church then shame on her.  

  

I don't have children either. But even I know lying to children is always bad -- lying out right and lying via sin of omission counts. I know because I was on the receiving end of this kind of crap as a kid.  

Fifty percent of what came out of my mother's mouth couldn't be trusted even when she meant well. Do you understand what kind of egg shells that kind of lying leaves a child on? I'll tell you what kind -- exceptionally fragile one that only halfway disintegrate when crushed, huge pieces remain whole enough to slice up your feet.  

There are ways to tell a child as he or she crosses 12 years of age, 15 years of age, 18 years of age that Daddy is not a responsible person. There are ways to say he loves you but he's not a responsible person or a good role model for anything in your life. There are ways to say, "Yes Daddy loves you but what he just did was selfish and unloving." There are ways to do all of this, ways to show your resentment but not hatred and tell the whole truth in small bites, in bites small enough for a child to handle it. The size of the bite depends on the age of the child.  

Telling the truth is not "disparaging" Of course angry, resentful, divorced people have to be careful about what their truth is and where it's coming from inside. But hiding the facts from your child at some point becomes "lying."

Hiding the way you feel about it also becomes "lying" --only that's lying about who you really are....from your child.

This kinds of lying misleads your child, when she's a grown ass woman, to write to another woman and tell her not to dare to make a single non-verbal comment about a black man after he's called her everything but a child of God and made it clear he thinks he can control who she does and does not have in her life.

One doesn't have to have a degree or a child to understand any of this. Knowing when is the right time to tell a child a hard truth about a crazy, abusive, or just neglectful parent? Knowing the right words to use? That's the hard part. 

Ordinarily, I'd just call Yolanda a hoteptress and be done with it. But she, seriously, needs help. She equated her own mother's Stockholm Syndrome type response to "forgiveness" and "not holding a grudge."

"Forgiveness," for the record, is about not demanding compensation for the bad that was done to you.  Forgiveness is not about pretending the bad didn't happen at all. Second to fear of death only, this cowardly "pretending an action(s) wasn't that bad" being redefined as "forgiveness" is a foundation of women allowing domestic abuse and child abuse to continue.

When you're going to forgive somebody,
you are saying that you are willing
to call it what it was,
as bad as it was,
and let go of what you were owed anyway.

If you are authentically forgiving, there's no reason to minimize the betrayal first.

Again, Yolanda and her mother need help. So I won't call her hoteptress yet. But Mother Patriarchy shouldn't be allowed to write or post on this subject again.

However, I'd bet a lot of money that whoever runs NBCBlk has more than toe in hotep / hoteptress zone.

Who let the kind of sickness leaking out of Yolanda get posted? There are editors and decision makers that get paid a lot more than Yolanda who thought defending Future was a good thing to do.

From what I've read about the Future vs The Fairly Silent Ciara, the only reason for NBCBlk to allow someone as damaged as Yolanda to defend Future and attack Ciara and all black women -- for flinching-- is because Future has a penis while Ciara and other black women called out do not.

This is so damn unacceptable for any part of a major news network.

Read More: 
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/open-letter-ciara-other-women-holding-grudges-against-your-children-n556011